I'm not really sure how to start this post.
I have been thinking a lot about my faith lately. I mean A LOT. I've been thinking and researching about religion, about God, about what I want to teach Weston, about my own personal growth spiritually and frankly, I miss the structure and routine of belonging to a community, aka: Church.
A friend of mine, she just so happens to be Mormon or LDS, short for, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, posted a blog about...hmm, I don't even recall what the point of her blog was, but somewhere within her post she referenced another blogger, who referenced another blogger...who happens to be the infamous Joanna Brooks: a Mormon Feminist. So, in some round-about way, I happened to stumble across Joanna's blog, called: "Ask Mormon Girl", and I have fallen in love. She is super articulate, discusses controversial and poignant topics regarding the Mormon doctrine and gospel, as well as helps Mormon's and non-Mormon's alike in their journey of faith transitioning. Joanna is also a LGBT ally, and for this, I absolutely can't get enough of her.
I remember the first article I read of hers; she confidently and magnificently discusses her position against Proposition 8 (anti-gay marriage). In the post she describes herself as "faithfully protesting Proposition 8", to which a lot of Orthodox Mormons would describe her behavior as "anti-faithful" and "sinful" because, unfortunately, the Mormon church support(ed) Proposition 8...so how could Joanna "faithfully" as a Mormon, protest Proposition 8, something the LDS Church was entirely FOR and supportive of? She baffled me in the most refreshing way possible.
I just didn't realize that such women (or people) even existed in the Mormon church. I always assumed it had to be an ALL-or-NOTHING approach. I'm sure plenty, if not all, Orthodox Mormon's would suggest the religion is an "all-or-nothing" way of life, but I don't think it is that black and white.
While I still find contradictory in several specific doctrines and revelations regarding certain topics like: polygamy, withholding the Priesthood to African-Americans, homosexuality, along with the general conservative and right-winged box that the Church tends to fit into... I can't help but still find my heart and spirit leaning towards the LDS Church. I don't believe the Church is done evolving and learning... I do believe that it's fallible in the way that humans are (we are not perfect); God hasn't necessarily changed or evolved but I think our understanding of Him and our Heavenly Parents (yes, I believe we have a Heavenly Mother) are evolving.
My spiritual views are definitely of the more "unorthodox" and progressive type of Mormonism, which resulted in me leaving the LDS Church to begin with back in 2003. I never contemplated going back, because never in my wildest thoughts did I think it was possible to be a progressive Mormon, or an "open/unorthodox" Mormon.
The bigger picture for me isn't just about community, but really, it's about re-opening my relationship back up with God, with Jesus Christ, with with my Heavenly Mother... I mean, regardless of the mistakes of humans within the Church, or the in-explainable or lack of "proof" as some might suggest, regarding The Book of Mormon, I think my personal relationship with God is far more critical than getting hung up on the minutia of details.
I will admit, those small details truly do bother me, and I am still trying to find ways to sort them all out in my mind; my scientific approach to the world has yet to somehow fully combine with my spiritual side. I guess it's all a bit overwhelming, but "line upon line, precept upon precept."
So far though, just being able to recognize that there are other women that I resonate with, like Joanna Brooks, who think outside the cookie-cutter box of Mormonism has given me hope. Hope that I didn't know was even possible in the last 9 years that I have been inactive.
I contemplated for a few years to go to a typical, non-denominational church, just to kinda get back into the swing of things. HOWEVER, and this is a big however for me: I couldn't get pass the hiccup that the God, Jesus & Holy Ghost typical Christian church's prophesied about was of a different "kind" than the God, Jesus Christ & Holy Ghost that I was taught to love and pray to... of all the things to get hung up on and be baffled by, this is the one that stuck with me, and has continued to stick with me for life: that God is separate from Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. I truly believe Joseph Smith got this one right, that God-Jesus-Holy Ghost are ONE at heart and purpose, but that they are actually three separate individuals.
Phew!
So, when I would go to other Christian church's with my friends and old college roommates, I would miss the lesson being preached and I'd fail to even grasp the point of the Sunday School lesson because I'd be so confused at how they believed so heavily in the Trinity and I simply couldn't accept that.
I suppose we each have our hang-ups and we are all each drawn to specific Church's and religions, or none for that matter, for various reasons.
I hope that in my quest to find inner peace and to place my spirituality back on the radar, that you all don't judge me or think differently of me. I don't know why I'm so anxious or scared even to hit the "publish" button for this post.
I am worried my friends and family won't understand, which is OK, but I don't want to be treated any differently than before.
Well here's to each of our own spiritual journey's! AHOY!
PS. I found this AWESOME testimony from a "Mormon Scholar", his name is Robert A. Rees. Pretty Please! read this brief little bio about him first, before you read his Testimony. I don't know why, but I find confirmation in my beliefs within the Mormon Church through scholarly men and women, who also belong to the LDS Church. I feel like if someone with such knowledge, education, and intelligence can find love and a belonging within the Mormon church, it gives me hope.
"Robert A. Rees (Ph.D., University of Wisconsin) is an educator, scholar, and poet.
Dr. Rees has taught at a number of universities, including the University of Wisconsin; the University of California at Los Angeles, or UCLA (for twenty-five years); the University of California at Santa Cruz; (as a Fulbright professor) at Vytautaus Magnus University in Kaunas, Lithuania; and the California State Universities at Northridge and Los Angeles. He has lectured at universities in China, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, and Kaliningrad, and has been a visiting scholar at the Centers for Arts and Humanities at Claremont Graduate University. Currently, he teaches religion at Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley.
Professor Rees has extensive experience in international education. He established and was the Director of Studies for three UCLA Extension programs in England—with Cambridge University and with the Royal Colleges of Art and Music. He was also involved in education initiatives in London, Paris, and the former Soviet Union, and led two delegations of distinguished American writers to China.
In 1998 he was named Director of Education and Humanities at the Institute of HeartMath in Boulder Creek, California.
Dr. Rees has served as bishop of the Los Angeles 1st Ward of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and he and his wife Ruth served as education, humanitarian, and service missionaries in the Saint Petersburg Russia and Baltic States missions of the LDS Church. In October 1992, Dr. Rees and his wife became the first LDS Church missionaries to work in Lithuania after the fall of the Soviet Union.
For the past twenty years, he has been active in humanitarian and interfaith work. He was Director of Humanitarian Services for Deseret International Charities in the Baltics (1994-96), President of the University Religious Council at UC Santa Cruz (1998-2000), and a member of the Santa Cruz Interfaith Council (1998-2001). Currently he serves on the Advisory Board of S.A.F.E. (Save African Families Enterprise), a non-profit organization providing antiviral drugs to HIV-positive pregnant women in Zimbabwe. He is also a founding member and vice president of the Liahona Children’s Foundation, an organization that provides nutrition and education to children in the developing world, and serves as a director of the New Spectrum Foundation.
From 1971 to 1976, he was the second editor of Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought.
Posted April 2012"
This is the POST I'd love for ya'll to read, it's Robert A. Rees' Testimony of the LDS Church.
--Love Megs--
