Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Feel Good

I've been a little busy: single mommy-hood, working full time, dating again, trying to do yoga at least once a week (I'd love to get crossFit in there at some point) but I'm doing pretty good so far. 

Last week I hit up Quantum Yoga Health Lounge and did Starlight Yoga. It was so refreshing and interestingly enough, kind of a spiritual experience. There I was, laying down in savasana, eyes closed... when suddenly I open them and BAM! I'm laying under the stars. I had forgotten where I was and to re-awaken to the night sky bright and beautiful above me seriously just overwhelmed me with gratitude. The instructor and owner of Quantum, Scott, reminded us in class, "..but most importantly remember...Remember to just FEEL GOOD." It's like those words pierced me to the core and I couldn't help but feel so relieved and suddenly so happy. 

What's the point if we don't feel good, right? I know we go through struggles, have issues and trying times.. hello, I'm a witness of all things hectic and painful. But on the flip side of that, I have learned so much about myself and who I am and the person I am capable of being, and already am. 

I just have to remember to just freakin' feel good anyways. If you don't feel good, life is kinda a bummer. 

I get caught up in my head, um a lot. I saw this e-cards thing and it said, " if you want to know what a women's brain is like, picture about 2500 tabs open at once." Hell yes. I am trying to plan my future, my career, my home, where to live, what daycare to put Weston in, what about my long distance boyfriend,how do I find time to cook paleo, clean, raise my son, exercise and go to work? I just feel like I don't know how to juggle it all and need a manual at times. 

But really, oh my gosh... just chill the 'ef out! Take it one day at a time ok?!

I am sipping on a glass of wine and that seems to help sometimes, too :D

But the thing I've found the most critical is to:

a] eat clean (like usual) but really, it's MAKE THE TIME in the morning to eat breakfast
b] MAKE the time to exercise

I did Kundalini Yoga Saturday morning, and this class seriously resets my frequency and vibration in the most AMAZING way ever. We do a lot of breathing, meditating and some chanting. It sounds almost a bit cooky, but it has holds so much power and clears my mind.

When I am doing good things for my body, I feel like I can take on the world.

I am committed to doing yoga once a week. Starting last week. Soooo, this means I have to make it to yoga tomorrow night when Dubs goes with his daddy. 

I am very much looking forward to this time and encourage all of you to do something good for your soul and try some yoga!

Ps. it's Spirit Week at work, today was DECADE day and I chose to represent the 70's era:

We've got 90's Grunge on the far Left, 80's divas next, 70's Hippies and free love in the middle, and our only 50's gal era on the right. So fun!

1]Preparing for my leg lift... 

2]Getting my foot in position.. with my 70's partner, Dae :D

3]Almost there! ...but what is Dae doing?



Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Today I spoke with one of my best friends, 
who lives far off in a wonderful land called: San Diego, CA. 

She and I used to chat on the phone at least once a week about a year ago or so... and now, I'm lucky if I call her once a month. I've never been a phone person, but it's paramount when you can't visit or run over to hang out on whim, you know?
 But to give both of us some credit, we've had some major events going on in our lives. For starters, she's pregnant with her first! She's nearly 19 weeks along, and she'll soon find out the sex of the baby!
She's been there to listen to my struggles during my former married life... struggles surrounding the major desire to make something work, but in order to do so would sacrifice nearly all my light and love...and would compromise my being into a sad, lonely, and defeated soul. She listened when I told her I was just going to stick it out, no matter what because I wanted so badly to make my family work for my son's sake. She listened when my fire for life flickered to a hault...and she listened when I had given up all hope.
I felt trapped. But you know what. Only our fears trap us.

Only our fears tell us what we can't do. Fear is what limits us and tells us no.

We are beings with unlimited potential and have so much possibility. 
If our fears of "no, can't, shouldn't, unrealistic, maybe, won't, impossible" build up in our minds... we will no longer create possibility for ourselves. 

Sometimes when the thing that you are holding on to... like, a marriage for instance, is suddenly lifted from view, we see possibility where we hadn't before.

I'm not saying my divorce was the best thing that happened. There were many outcomes, possibilities and paths that could have unfolded to land me in the place I am today, but the path that inevitably led me to where I am now, was when the fork in the road said "marriage or divorce" and divorce summoned me.

Ok. Divorce summoned me, but not entirely by choice... there was some strong request and encouragement when those divorce papers subpoena'd me on my doorstep in BirchBay. If you need a refresher, read this
I take ownership in where I am now, because every decision and action I've taken has been mine and I am accountable for that.

But my point: I called my girlfriend from San Diego to share some news. 
News about this crazy, hectic, whirlwind of a life that I lead... 
and to share with her how happy I truly am. 

I am feeling so lucky, for several reasons. 
But the one reason I called her specifically was to tell her I met someone. Someone who is pretty special, and who makes me smile ear to ear. I met someone I can speak straight forward with, no inhibitions, be vulnerable with, feel heard and listened to, respected, and laugh a lot with... and OH MY GOSH is that refreshing! 
Not to mention, I'm over the moon attracted to this guy.

So, I call my her on the phone to share in my excitement... and she says to me, (and I'm paraphrasing here, because I have a horrible memory, but the vibe and the energy of what she is saying is what I want to relay to you) 
"You make the best out of everything. You always have. You are happy and make it work, nothing gets you down. No matter what... you bounce back! You are such a good example of happiness and strength.... when something isn't working for you, you recognize it and change it, and even if it's scary, you do it and move on... Yeah you were married for two years and you have a baby, and now divorced but it didn't stop you from living and getting depressed. Not to say you haven't struggled or had your ups and downs, but you are strong and intelligent. You make good decisions and are such an inspiration." 

First of all, she gives me way too much credit! 
But isn't it amazing the perspective of someone else
Isn't is mind blowing the view someone else can have of you? I just never think those things directly of myself, but hearing them come from someone who loves and cares for me, and see's me in this LIGHT of good, and grace & beauty...
is completely over-whelming. 
We sometimes don't see our greatness. Sometimes we do. 
But once in a while it's important to see someone else's take, stance, view, perspective,  and experience of ourselves
It's a beautiful thing really.

Ask someone you know.. what do they think about you, good or not so good.

Seeing things from a new view can be mind-blowing.

It was for me. 
So, thanks for sharing girlfriend.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Met a woman, who nursed in public!

You want to know what I am feeling right now?

Excitement. Pure excitement.

Excited for this moment, for tomorrow, and thankful for my past...but mostly, I'm simply excited for what is and for what is to come.
At this moment, Weston is napping and safe in his room. And that means I get a free minute to put some thoughts on paper.. or, um... in this day of technology, I'm gonna blog about it :D

I'm excited to be so provoked, moved, and full of compassion in regards to a particular incident that happened at work.

I know I've blogged about breast feeding before, Breastfeeding in Public? Also,remember that New York Times article back in 2012? Here's a quick refresher if ya'll missed out on the blog post I did on that controversy, Breastfeeding a Toddler?

I was at work last week and suddenly there was a suspicious buzz about the air.. another co-worker was trying to whisper something to me and another co-worker while we were lingering about the cash registers. 
I asked my co-worker to repeat herself like 3 times and finally the other gal next to me, looks passed me for a millisecond...and then responds, "Oh, I get it."

I'm still perplexed and confused. I think to myself, "You get what? What am I missing?"

As I walk away from the cash registers and my co-workers, I notice a mom sitting down in a corner with her son in her lap. She is nursing him. I quickly glance away... and think, "OH!... this is what the buzz was about."

There are times in our lives when we see things and don't speak up for good or for worse, and I knew that at this moment, I wanted to talk to this mom. I was flushed with adrenaline and happiness. Compassion and empathy sprang from me like a trampoline! It's difficult to find the words to fully express my emotions. But I felt compelled to talk to this mom and tell her that I too, can relate. I've been in public, nursing, feeling judged and hearing whispers wrought about by the decision to breastfeed in public. 

Nerves flooded me and I wasn't sure how to approach this mom, but I wanted to so badly. 
I strolled up to her, knelt down and said, "I love that you're breastfeeding your son right now. I just want you to know I think it's just so beautiful. I still nurse my 2 year old son, too."

The mom looks at me, smiles and says, "Oh this is no biggie.. this is my 2nd child. I'm used to this now." I just wanted to hug her and thank her for being brave. 

What would I have given when I was a brand new mom, nursing Weston at Fred Meyer...scared out of my mind, thinking someone was going to kick me out of the store, for another mom to come up to me and say, "Hey, good job!"

I didn't know this mom's history, or know her story...but I knew I had to give her acknowledgement and a thumbs-up of some-sort. This excerpt from the book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" resonates so LOUDLY with me. I love it:

"Many women are surprised by the passion they come to feel about breastfeeding. If you meet another breastfeeding woman anywhere in the world, you feel a connection, no matter how different her culture is, and no matter how long ago you or she breastfed your babies. Not many of us felt this passionately about breastfeeding until we did it ourselves, and many of us remember it as one of the best things we do in our lives. The experience is just that powerful."
LA LECHE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL; Diane Wiessinger; Diana West; Teresa Pitman (2010-07-09). The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (Kindle Locations 548-551). Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

You know what I find myself doing?... and I mean, I do this a lot. I take pictures of Weston and I nursing. This relationship will eventually end, but I want to capture every moment I can. It really is that special and that powerful of a bond. 

Here's some random pictures I found on my camera phone of breastfeeding Dubs:
May 2013, after work nursing session. I love how Weston's hands always caress my face during this time.

Last week, May 2013: after a long day at work... this is how we re-connect xoxo

Breastfeeding Gymnastics... you mom's out there know what I'm talking about :)

A couple of weeks ago, April 2013

Mother's Day 2013

Mother's Day 2013, his hands always find their way to my face :)

Mother's Day May 12th, 2013

Last Summer, 2012.

Last summer, 2012.

Last summer, 2012

Fell asleep on me, nursing. Taken a couple of months ago, Feb 2013 I think.
Anyway, just wanted to share. Have a great rest of the week!