...Still

I still love him. 
I still miss him. 
I don't want a divorce. 
Even after all that he's said & done (and didn't do) and what he's putting our family through, I still feel like it's never too late to change, to hope, to make it better...but am I just foolish?

I am so sad tonight.
He called and we talked about Weston. 
Weston got to hear his voice and said "daddy", "hi"...said "bye", and then tonight as I put Weston to bed, he kept saying "daddy" over and over. I kept thinking in my head... 'I know Weston, me too... I miss Daddy, too.'

Why does it have to be this way?

Why does my heart love and miss someone so hurtful and undeserving of me? 
It's because I've been in love with him for 6 years.
I can't turn it off like a light switch...but I wish I could.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” F. Scott Fitzgerald.