Today I spoke with one of my best friends,
who lives far off in a wonderful land called: San Diego, CA.
She and I used to chat on the phone at least once a week about a year ago or so... and now, I'm lucky if I call her once a month. I've never been a phone person, but it's paramount when you can't visit or run over to hang out on whim, you know?
But to give both of us some credit, we've had some major events going on in our lives. For starters, she's pregnant with her first! She's nearly 19 weeks along, and she'll soon find out the sex of the baby!
She's been there to listen to my struggles during my former married life... struggles surrounding the major desire to make something work, but in order to do so would sacrifice nearly all my light and love...and would compromise my being into a sad, lonely, and defeated soul. She listened when I told her I was just going to stick it out, no matter what because I wanted so badly to make my family work for my son's sake. She listened when my fire for life flickered to a hault...and she listened when I had given up all hope.
I felt trapped. But you know what. Only our fears trap us.
Only our fears tell us what we can't do. Fear is what limits us and tells us no.
We are beings with unlimited potential and have so much possibility.
If our fears of "no, can't, shouldn't, unrealistic, maybe, won't, impossible" build up in our minds... we will no longer create possibility for ourselves.
Sometimes when the thing that you are holding on to... like, a marriage for instance, is suddenly lifted from view, we see possibility where we hadn't before.
I'm not saying my divorce was the best thing that happened. There were many outcomes, possibilities and paths that could have unfolded to land me in the place I am today, but the path that inevitably led me to where I am now, was when the fork in the road said "marriage or divorce" and divorce summoned me.
Ok. Divorce summoned me, but not entirely by choice... there was some strong request and encouragement when those divorce papers subpoena'd me on my doorstep in BirchBay. If you need a refresher, read this.
I take ownership in where I am now, because every decision and action I've taken has been mine and I am accountable for that.
But my point: I called my girlfriend from San Diego to share some news.
News about this crazy, hectic, whirlwind of a life that I lead...
and to share with her how happy I truly am.
I am feeling so lucky, for several reasons.
But the one reason I called her specifically was to tell her I met someone. Someone who is pretty special, and who makes me smile ear to ear. I met someone I can speak straight forward with, no inhibitions, be vulnerable with, feel heard and listened to, respected, and laugh a lot with... and OH MY GOSH is that refreshing!
Not to mention, I'm over the moon attracted to this guy.
So, I call my her on the phone to share in my excitement... and she says to me, (and I'm paraphrasing here, because I have a horrible memory, but the vibe and the energy of what she is saying is what I want to relay to you)
"You make the best out of everything. You always have. You are happy and make it work, nothing gets you down. No matter what... you bounce back! You are such a good example of happiness and strength.... when something isn't working for you, you recognize it and change it, and even if it's scary, you do it and move on... Yeah you were married for two years and you have a baby, and now divorced but it didn't stop you from living and getting depressed. Not to say you haven't struggled or had your ups and downs, but you are strong and intelligent. You make good decisions and are such an inspiration."
First of all, she gives me way too much credit!
But isn't it amazing the perspective of someone else?
Isn't is mind blowing the view someone else can have of you? I just never think those things directly of myself, but hearing them come from someone who loves and cares for me, and see's me in this LIGHT of good, and grace & beauty...
is completely over-whelming.
We sometimes don't see our greatness. Sometimes we do.
But once in a while it's important to see someone else's take, stance, view, perspective, and experience of ourselves.
It's a beautiful thing really.
Ask someone you know.. what do they think about you, good or not so good.
Seeing things from a new view can be mind-blowing.
It was for me.
So, thanks for sharing girlfriend.
xo
